


Supersize The McIntercourse McDiscourse

by updog



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Hiveswap, Homestuck
Genre: Crack, Drama, Fantasy, Fantrolls, Homestuck - Freeform, M/M, MSPARP, OCS THAT ARENT EVEN MINE DONUT STEAL, OCs - Freeform, Romance, dnd, hiveswap - Freeform, my friends probably hate me, special thanks to my wife catison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 20:03:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10669797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/updog/pseuds/updog
Summary: Don't go to ikea if you're having marital issues.





	Supersize The McIntercourse McDiscourse

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my homies](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+homies).



Beams of moonlight struck the small, dew-glazed window, gracing the scene of Alonzo and Selkis’ sweet fuckage. Violet and Lime green fluid laced all parts of the sex chamber, making the aftermath look like the stage of some sickening Nickelodeon game show. Good god how did this happen, you might ask. The story begins much like any other. 

Selkis and Alonzo went to get McDonalds at 3 in the morning after an especially tedious trek through ikea. Sitting together in an abandoned fast food restaurant, they silently ate their burgers. The digustingly underpaid employees paid no mind to the two. Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5 played eerily in the background from the opposite side of the fast food chain. 

Alonzo broke this silence and said, “You had to buy the extra sofa.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Selkis snapped.

“You wouldn’t understand… you dumb slut.”, the french fish muttered, lighting a cigarette. 

“You really want to do this in public?” Selkis stood and shouted, much louder than would have been socially acceptable had it not been a vacant drive through. In response, Alonzo had to take it a step further and stood on the table. Definitely out of societal norms now but the employees are not fazed. Also the two are gross aliens. 

“If you have a problem, you might as well solve it; right here, right now!”

Selkis took a moment to mull the awkward situaton over. They could have just passed the rest of the evening in relative silence by excusing them and Alonzo from the restaurant. Instead, their sex drive kicked in and threw Alonzo against the wall, fracturing various pieces of furniture in the process. The amount of sheer violence also caused Alonzo’s claspers to erect and swell. 

You know how this shit goes. Who hasn’t witnessed graphic sexual acts at a mcdonalds early in the morning? Douchey styled clothing was shredded off of each other from vicious bites. Astren, an especially life-loathing troll, simply wanted her dreaded shift to end before she was forced to clean their exchanged fluids from the floor. She knew this wasn’t going to happen, but she quickly thought of a plan to contain the mess. 

“Excuse me,” said Astren, “if you want a space to do this in private, may i suggest the mcgangbang chamber?”  
The lovers halted from ripping each others’ ears off to heed her suggestion.

Little do most people know that under each mcdonalds is a chamber used exclusively for filming porn and making fries, dubbed the McGangbang Chamber. Still gasping for air, Alonzo and Selkis threw each other down the stairs and into the chamber. Astren locked the door and decided to leave the aftermath of the chamber for the next shift. 

Now shit was about to get real. Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes played quietly from upstairs. The couple looked into each others eyes. Not in the way two lovers look when they first lay with one another, but more in the way where a lion prepares to disembowel a hyena. These disgusting fuckers propped themselves upon every fuckable surface, lathering their secret sauces over all of the restaurant’s unprepared food. 

Their final test lay before them: they frying vat. Neither of the two knew which threw the other first. Perhaps it was their combined effort. Alonzo, gaining the higher ground, mounted Selkis over the fryer. Using the last burning bit of his cigarette, he pushed the embers into Selkis’ eye. This aroused Selkis up to near completion, channeling the reaction to Alonzo. Alonzo, now at full chub, switched claspersfor penetration before using his secret double shark penis ju juitsu. However in the process, one of his dicks fell into the scalding oil below. Alonzo screeched, and the two descended into their actualized hatred.  
____  
Weeks passed, and Alonzo and Selkis grew to enjoy their company, as they shared the same recovery room. They reverted back to their violent ways almost immediately after being released. Alonzo’s second clasper was never reattached, but grew to understand a single-dicked life.  
Astren rose to become president of mcdonalds, and therefor the united states, due to her proposal of a new line of fish sticks on the menu.  
TO BE CONTINUED?


End file.
